So my chief musician, Christian, has begun college for the fall semester. Normally this would be a good thing; however, it means that he now has no time to work with me on our music. I unfortunately had to pull out of school for the semester due to financial restrictions.
At first, this left me at a complete standstill, unable to practice songs, and unable to record further progress. I also have issues with the computer I use for my writing (the computer I use for the internet is not mine) so that further restricts progress. Then I got the idea to put an ad on the internet that briefly described my vocal talents and also the music style I preferred. I also responded to an ad posted by a guy who was hoping to start up a band right near me.
I got a call the other night regarding my response to the ad. The guy was very interested and also motivated. He was eager to meet up and discuss different issues, but there was one drawback: his phone was not working. It still isn't. So as of right now, I'm still at a standstill.
I also got one response to my ad, so I quickly responded back. So far I have gotten no follow up and it has been 4½ days.
Should starting a band really be this hard? Why does it seem to be that I am the only one who has the motivation, but nothing ever comes of it?
Is this where I'm supposed to quit?
Thursday, September 17, 2009
Monday, September 7, 2009
Where I Come From Lyrically
I often have people criticize me for always being so cynical when it comes to relationships. Little do they know that this cynicism can be one of the most powerful driving forces behind my song writing processes.
Last fall I became friends with a girl I met in college. We had two classes together and right off the bat we got along great. We talked all the time, and we seemed to have a good understanding of each other. Eventually we got to the point where we would walk out of the school together when our classes were done and just talk about whatever came to mind.
As the semester began to dwindle I had the very conflicting job of deciding whether to let this friendship dissolve into nothing (there was no guarantee that we would ever see each other afterward) or to gather up the courage to ask her to hang out sometime.
Over the years I have read up on how to build relationships, the does and don'ts, ins and outs, rights and wrongs. This lead me to believe that simply asking her to hang out casually over the winter break was the best option, even though officially "going out" would have been nicer in my opinion. One day after class I approached her in the parking lot and stated my question. It was simple. "I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime, you know, just... do whatever?"
This was the part where I was pretty sure she would say "no" or something less kind. Instead, she looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said "sure!" We briefly chatted about when would be the best time and then went our separate ways.
A couple weeks later we went out to see a movie together. She picked what one, and I agreed because I was nice.
The semester ended a week later and we talked on the phone about hanging out again sometime, we just didn't know when. She was going down to Florida with a friend for a week and when she got back we were going to see about getting together. The night before she left for sunny Florida I gave her a call to wish her a happy and safe time. She said she would take me with her if she could, which I was not expecting her to say, but thought it was cool nonetheless.
So off she went to Florida with her friend. When she returned a week later, she didn't call me, nor did she answer when I called her. I thought, "Oh well, she's probably tired from her trip and is resting or something." I tried calling a couple times on later days, most calls went unanswered. When I did get ahold of her, she sounded rather distant, and not near as cheerful as she had been before her trip. This wasn't making any sense to me. I asked her if everything was OK and she said "we" were fine, which didn't sound very reasuring to me. Once again I asked if she could hang out at all, and she informed me that her parents didn't want us to hang out anymore. This was, of course, a big disappointment to me, but I took it and just assumed (foolishly of course) that her parents really didn't want us to hang out and she was just as disappointed as I was. I still felt rather distant from her though and eventually asked her "if your parents were ok with it, would you still even want to hang out?" To which she replied "well they're not, so we can't" This did not satisfy me and I was determined at this point to find out what went wrong. I didn't think we would ever be the same again, but I hoped we could be. I sent her a message over the internet:
Josiah A. Teal 24 January at 09:09
Last fall I became friends with a girl I met in college. We had two classes together and right off the bat we got along great. We talked all the time, and we seemed to have a good understanding of each other. Eventually we got to the point where we would walk out of the school together when our classes were done and just talk about whatever came to mind.
As the semester began to dwindle I had the very conflicting job of deciding whether to let this friendship dissolve into nothing (there was no guarantee that we would ever see each other afterward) or to gather up the courage to ask her to hang out sometime.
Over the years I have read up on how to build relationships, the does and don'ts, ins and outs, rights and wrongs. This lead me to believe that simply asking her to hang out casually over the winter break was the best option, even though officially "going out" would have been nicer in my opinion. One day after class I approached her in the parking lot and stated my question. It was simple. "I was just wondering if you wanted to hang out sometime, you know, just... do whatever?"
This was the part where I was pretty sure she would say "no" or something less kind. Instead, she looked me in the eyes, smiled, and said "sure!" We briefly chatted about when would be the best time and then went our separate ways.
A couple weeks later we went out to see a movie together. She picked what one, and I agreed because I was nice.
The semester ended a week later and we talked on the phone about hanging out again sometime, we just didn't know when. She was going down to Florida with a friend for a week and when she got back we were going to see about getting together. The night before she left for sunny Florida I gave her a call to wish her a happy and safe time. She said she would take me with her if she could, which I was not expecting her to say, but thought it was cool nonetheless.
So off she went to Florida with her friend. When she returned a week later, she didn't call me, nor did she answer when I called her. I thought, "Oh well, she's probably tired from her trip and is resting or something." I tried calling a couple times on later days, most calls went unanswered. When I did get ahold of her, she sounded rather distant, and not near as cheerful as she had been before her trip. This wasn't making any sense to me. I asked her if everything was OK and she said "we" were fine, which didn't sound very reasuring to me. Once again I asked if she could hang out at all, and she informed me that her parents didn't want us to hang out anymore. This was, of course, a big disappointment to me, but I took it and just assumed (foolishly of course) that her parents really didn't want us to hang out and she was just as disappointed as I was. I still felt rather distant from her though and eventually asked her "if your parents were ok with it, would you still even want to hang out?" To which she replied "well they're not, so we can't" This did not satisfy me and I was determined at this point to find out what went wrong. I didn't think we would ever be the same again, but I hoped we could be. I sent her a message over the internet:
Josiah A. Teal 24 January at 09:09
Hey, I had something planned out to write to you, but I forgot what it was... I guess I'm just having a hard time trying to understand what happened here. It seems that it might be a little more than just what your parents say, but I can't know for sure. Are you afraid of something? I am sorry if that is the case... I was only trying to be your friend. If you want to be completely honest... or I will be completely honest... I do like you, but I was more than willing to be just friends because I believe you're worth it, it's that simple for me. I thought you were a lot different from anybody else I ever met and I just wanted to get to know you better. I don't want you to get hurt or anything... but at the same time I think I'm being hurt right now because I don't know what's going on... so it's kind of important to me. I don't know if I can go through this again. You don't have to reply right a way, take your time.
Sorry to dump this in your lap right now :/ I don't mean to be a pain, I'm just in need of some clarification that's all.
Her response was rather disappointing and almost rude:
However, yes, it is more than that. When I say I've have a lot going on I mean: one of my good friends mom just passed away, my best friend's parents are getting divorced, my best guy friend has just decided to tell me he has feelings for me but he is a good friend of my ex, who i am still in love with... So I am trying to deal with all that. Plus school, preparing my horse for a national show, and my dance lessons.
I know what it feels like to like someone who doesn't feel the same. It's not fun and it's really hard to just be friends with that person without wishing it was more and ending up hurt.
I also know what its like to feel so completely right with someone. To be over the moon, loopedy loop, overwhelmingly inlove with someone and be loved back. Yes, I got my heart broken in the end, but to me, It was worth it. If it was that great with the "wrong" person, think how amazing it will be when i find the "right" one. And the pain will go away. No, I haven't quite gotten to that point yet. It still hurts like hell. But ya just gotta keep moving and staying positive. Don't let the pain of whatevers happened in the past hold you back. Let go and be happy for the good memories.
I hope you understand now.
At this point I could have let my inellectual debater side kick in and rip her response to shreds, but even feeling like I did, I kept it civilized:
Sorry to dump this in your lap right now :/ I don't mean to be a pain, I'm just in need of some clarification that's all.
Her response was rather disappointing and almost rude:
Girl Lastname 24 January at 12:13
How much more clear can i be? I can't hang out with you! My parents will not let me. How hard is that to understand?However, yes, it is more than that. When I say I've have a lot going on I mean: one of my good friends mom just passed away, my best friend's parents are getting divorced, my best guy friend has just decided to tell me he has feelings for me but he is a good friend of my ex, who i am still in love with... So I am trying to deal with all that. Plus school, preparing my horse for a national show, and my dance lessons.
I know what it feels like to like someone who doesn't feel the same. It's not fun and it's really hard to just be friends with that person without wishing it was more and ending up hurt.
I also know what its like to feel so completely right with someone. To be over the moon, loopedy loop, overwhelmingly inlove with someone and be loved back. Yes, I got my heart broken in the end, but to me, It was worth it. If it was that great with the "wrong" person, think how amazing it will be when i find the "right" one. And the pain will go away. No, I haven't quite gotten to that point yet. It still hurts like hell. But ya just gotta keep moving and staying positive. Don't let the pain of whatevers happened in the past hold you back. Let go and be happy for the good memories.
I hope you understand now.
At this point I could have let my inellectual debater side kick in and rip her response to shreds, but even feeling like I did, I kept it civilized:
Josiah A. Teal 24 January at 18:03
K, I think that clears it up a little. Sorry again :(
So if anybody ever thinks I am too hard on myself, and I need to loosen up and put myself out there, all they need to do is read this story. And this isn't the only time something like this has happened to me, but it is the most well documented.
This little true story will give you an idea of where my lyrics come from. I will strive to include some more goodspirited lyrics in some songs, but I can't make any promises, especially with other things going on right now.
Anyway, I don't mean to be depressing, but I am feeling depressed so that's what I wrote.
So if anybody ever thinks I am too hard on myself, and I need to loosen up and put myself out there, all they need to do is read this story. And this isn't the only time something like this has happened to me, but it is the most well documented.
This little true story will give you an idea of where my lyrics come from. I will strive to include some more goodspirited lyrics in some songs, but I can't make any promises, especially with other things going on right now.
Anyway, I don't mean to be depressing, but I am feeling depressed so that's what I wrote.
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